Anger management (part2)

What makes people angry? Where does anger come from?

 

I’ve wondered long time where did all my anger came from. I look often at people and I want to understand, to empathize, to help, because I know how anger makes us feel.

 

Frustration, confusion, sadness, fear, hurt… and so many other words, could build the source of it.

 

When you’re angry, you are powerless, you are sensitive, you are vulnerable, you are exposing a huge part of yourself, you didn’t even believe it exist.  

 

They say take a deep breath, inhale count to five and exhale.

 

For some it may work, for others there is no other way around, we just see red or black light in front of us and nothing can’t stop that ticking bomb, the explosion.

 

What I like about looking at others in the middle of a fight, is the way we turn things around, the way we perceive it, is far from what we should receive.

 

 

 

If one shows frustration for bad result, another one might take out a lesson from that failure.

 

I’ve failed lately, I’ve failed myself, probably my family, I’ve been a mess emotionally lately.

 

I still don’t know what makes me want to go on and not quit, the more I consider it the more I realize I need to reinvent myself.

 

 

 

You know those dreams that you’ve created day and night? Those hopes that kept you creating, fighting and overcoming yourself?

 

That is the Reinvent yourself power, and you should follow your instinct.

 

When you don’t listen to yourself, you ignore that 6th sense, that third eye that is always there watching your back and guides.

 

Been there, done that, now I have to pay the bill.

 

Conclusion- Listen to yourself, love yourself, trust yourself.

 

 

 

If that inner you is saying to go in a different direction, go for it! If you guts tell yo uyou should stay and watch what happens do it so, don’t delete yourself from your OWN plans, and by the way MAKE your own plans, cause if you don’t, others will make one for you.

 

 

 

Yours faithful,

 

 

 

Reinvent Yourself

 

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Awakening day

The day you give in, is truly the day you die. 

 

The closer we get to death, the desire to live gets stronger. Isn't it interesting how the " I want it, I don't want it anymore" phenomenon, still drives us crazy in our 30's?

 

I thought only toddles behave like this, but, it's an inner "setting" for most of us who had been emotionally insecure.

We are often labeled as "weak". 

 

I'd rather say we are strong. We strived trough rain, thunderstorm, and "cold" times standing up for us when no one was there.

They say when you are disappointed is it because you had expectations right? 

 

So you don't. That doesn't save you from the pain that you might experience you don't feel loved. 

 

And here we go again; Love hurts!? Does love hurt?

Well, I am sorry to put out there for you, but love might hurt. There are no pink ponies and no fluffy cotton candy on a daily basis, neither with your lover, neither with your own family. 

Love hurts: The mother waiting for her 15 teenage girls to come back home at midnight, wondering if she is ok and safe. 

Love hurts for the parent experiencing rejection from his own child. 

Love hurts, the toddler looking at you with tremendous tears, having a painful tantrum cause' he had a stressful long day and he is just a ticking mine. 

Love hurts when your partner is no longer the same anymore, and you are too busy to see things are getting in other directions. 

Love hurts when you decide to stay no matter what, even when admitting you are miserable, but don't want to be alone, and pretend is love. 

Love hurts, when you don't have 5 minutes for yourself; to just look at yourself and breathe. 

Love hurts when you know you want to move forward, however, is difficult when you have big responsibilities and you have to decide for 2 more people. 

Love hurts when you lose one parent and the other one doesn't truly care about you, and everything is built on a lie that you have to maintain for the sake of love. 

 

So what is love? 

Dalai lama said it; "Love is the absence of judgement" 

Great, How are we supposed to cope with this? 

 

Start from scratch, everything. But take it slowly, step by step, so you can truly get there safe. 

And even you when are rock bottom, take a minute and look at yourself. Don't be afraid to accept and embrace today. 

 

Take it the way it is, and live it. It's painful? It will make you grow, you will learn more, learn how to deal and heal pain. 

stop judging yourself for all the mistakes you've done or any decision you've made that haven't brought you what you've wanted.

It's making you happy, joyful? take it, embrace that moments! Grow happy wrinkles and be proud of them! 

 

Until next time, let me leave you with this one; 

 

 

“Every day, you reinvent yourself. You’re always in motion. But you decide every day: forward or backward.” —James Altucher

 

Yours, Reinvent Myself 

A mother's figure

Almost two years now since I am a mother. Yes it's amazing and the most beautiful accomplishment I've ever had in these last 33 years on this planet in this body. And YES it's very hard and yet it pays back every minute of pain, frustration and powerless moments. 

 

Yes I gave up control, Yes I gave up myself and apparently it's not really good. 

 

Ever since I get more and more often the question: 

-What will you become when your kids will leave you? 

 

- You must take care of yourself, later you will end up alone! 

 

-You should consider your career and you should see beyond today!

 

When I see all these advises and all this fear on child's evolution and departure, makes me feel "wrong" and misunderstood. 

 

Wrong because I care and I want to be here and now; for society is wrong!?

 

Wrong because I believe that even when he will be in his 20's ; 30's or 40's I will still be his mother, I will still be there for him!?

Wrong because I want my kids to remember a mother who was there when needed, who listened, who played, who understood? 

 

I've made a survey among my friends and here is the outcome. Respondents are between 30's and 45 years old, mixed genders (boys and girls) from married and divorced couples.

 

1) Girls/Women  have perceived the lack of theirs mothers presence as critical in their childhood,  as today they feel they need a lot of freedom, less emotional stability  and they tend to be "busy" working mums on their own. They are attached to their kids, however career and independence are the primary needs.

 

Also for girls the father's figure missing leaded out to early separation, divorce and a missing "male type". They admit that finding a soulmate is the battle of their life; they don't know what is their match and how he looks like. 

 

2) Boys/Men from divorced couples ALL responded on the mother's side.  "She was right to leave him, she has done everything for us" and they are "grateful for all the hard work she's done. " On the other side, they have troubles finding the right person, they fear they will treat her like they've seen in the past, they live in the shadow and fear of not reproducing what they've seen. 

Men that had a childhood within the married couple, will reproduce (more or less) 85% of what they've seen back at home:

father's behavior and a mate like the mother.

 

So yes I am not telling you anything new, is just what I found out from my friends, whom I trust and I know their history.

 

What I actually want to tell you today, is that I am not afraid of ME after my kids will leave me and I rather want to know that  I've been a present mother and they are proud of me. So this is my message to my kid: Mum loves you, no matter what. 

 

So, when in doubt, believe in yourself, believe in that instinct telling you that you are on wright path, on the good way for a fulfilled life, just as you need it. 

 

No matter what choice you've done or you will go for, just make sure is the right one for you! 

 

This is what I truly want from life and this is my accomplishment: shared happiness !

 

Reinvent yourself 

 

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Family basis

This article is based on true story. The person chose to remain anonymous  but she is here with us very often. 

'I became a mother quite late, due to my fears of being a bad mother. I knew since the day I married him that we will not end up together, but I chose to go with it, because it felt so. 

I knew he had a lesson for me, the experience that I will never forget with ups and downs and today I completely take it on me. 

We where different, we remained different. We changed so much and in totally opposite sides. 

I decided to be brave and not fear the future, so uncertain at that time and even today. 

 

We had our son 4 years after our marriage, when things where more likely on the good side of the road. Soon after Alex's arrival, he changed. He became anxious, stressed, angry, needy. 

I didn't get at the moment, he was seeking the same attention as our baby, but I couldn't. I couldn't share myself at equals and I knew Alex needed me more than him. 

You see, the bond between mother and child is done way before birth, but for the father is a little bit later.  That doesn't mean, they are not strong, is just a father's thing. Men relate so different to kids than women and the relationship is different but so important. 

 

Maybe this is what teared us apart or maybe we where since the beginning far away from each other. Now the distance got so high that we barely see the light at the tunnel. Actually we don't see it anymore. 

Just when we decided to go apart because it can be better for all of us, life gave us lemons, and we had no choice than  lemonade  :) When I've decided to go, I just found out that we are expecting a new member of the family. 

 

People think of me, like I am some kind of crazy lady who is not not aware of the future. Trust me I am 100% conscientious and aware of the consequences. I fully understand the changes of our lives and I accept the high level of tolerance needed in this situation. 

 

But this is me; this is how I chose to repair my past, this is how I chose to remain faithful to me, to the little girl crying days and nights wishing she's just disappear from this planet so she can no longer be "a drag" in others lives. 

This is me revenging the hard slaps over my face from this stranger who believed he is replacing my father. 

This is me revenging my coward mother who was not able to stand up for me when I needed her the most. 

This is me revenging 20 years of fear; fear of everything, everybody and nothing at the same time. 

 

I wish I would pick the wise zen words, and never use the word revenge.  This is a different revenge. I can do this, I can be happy, even after 20 years of darkness and I can do better than I thought.

 

No need to bring someone else is our lives and reconstruct something that is already build. Your true family is the one you create yourself. Count on you for that; you will have to keep it until the end. 

 

Even if we split up now or later, he will still be the father of my children and we will still be a family. "

 

I have to admit that I found her vision quite powerful and strange at the same time. We want to share her story because we know that she is not alone out there and maybe through us you can find each other easier and support. In France the 'monoparental' family is no longer tabu, 1 out of 5 families are single parents and today we need to find a way to support these people. 

Stay tuned, a new article with all the necessary info is about to come! 

 

Sincerely yours 

 

Reinvent Yourself 

 

 

 

 

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How stress scared the s***t out of me

Over the last 2 weeks I have experiences serious and frightening headaches. Thunders and "lightening" shots of pain where driving me crazy every 5 minutes for more than a week. 

 

My first thoughts where definitely " I am having a stroke" and then I went even more far on my fears " I might have brain cancer" . 

I am someone who is not afraid of Death, I've never been, when the time has come, it is so and nothing can stop it.

My fear was more for my son, I am not ready to leave him alone (he has his dad) and I was terrified by the idea of dying next to him. 

So I went to see the doctor, who finally insured me that I was just having an "Arnold" neuralgia. Nothing severe but still painful and scared the shit out of me. 

 

What did I learned from this? Being alone sometimes is so frightening and now I understand people that would bare anything and anyone, just for the sake of loneliness.

 

It is concerning when you have a kid like mine (1 year and a half) and you're afraid that something like a stroke might happen.

What I've done? :) Went to see my next door neighbor, told him if he ever hears my baby cry more than an hour and if I don't answer my phone or the door within 10 minutes more, he should call 911 immediately. 

 

He looked at me with his perfect old blue eyes and he asked:

-Do you think you're gonna dies or what? 

I told him, I am not ready, but we never know what tomorrow might bring us. 

I appreciated his concern, but mostly the look in his eyes, almost scared like mine. Then I realized, even if I am alone, I am not really that alone! 

 

There is always a way, always someone who can hear your fears, even if is someone who doesn't know anything about you.

 

So, when you feel alone, abandoned, scared, powerless, trust me there is always a way, there is always someone out there. 

 

 Sincerely yours, 

 

Reinvent yourself 

 

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