Fear of others or of yourself? 

 

 

I’ve recently experienced a lot of fear, especially of dark.

 

I couldn’t fall asleep into complete dark so I’ve been sleeping with my little lamp on since more than 2 months now. My husband asked me: How could you possibly be afraid at your age?

 

It’s simple, if you had recently a trauma or someone from you environment has told you things might impact on your emotional health, you will definitely experience FEAR.

Last Monday I had a car accident, nothing severe physically just the car is now going to the dumpster and one piece of mama scared the shit out of her.

I can no longer drive higher that 120km/ hours and every time I pass that place (Yes, I have to see that place every day, twice a day) I see back the images, all the scenario. I try to see a way out, if it was possible to avoid the accident, but there is nothing, just fear.

 

Before that, I was already scared of the dark, one of my colleagues lost her fried in a suicide and she told me a lot of details that most probably I should never hear. Since that day I lost my ability to sleep in the dark. I felt like someone is watching me, I know it sounds crazy but this is how I feel.

So, today I looked into myself to see how I could overcome this. What I found is relieving but challenging at the same time. I’m not going to do the” bullet paragraphs” neither give you the solution on how to overcome it, just:

Count on yourself and trust your gut

I know many other have said it and let me repeat it to you: YOU and only you are the key and the door of your thoughts. Trust yourself, if your body gives you signs that something is wrong, then listen to it! Before my accident, I felt weird, I knew something was about to happen but impossible to describe. My left eye was beating (like pulse beating). In Eastern Europe they say when the left eye is beating something bad is about to happen. 

I don’t believe Eastern Europe and I am not here to tell you that I am a psychic, but listen to you r body, it’s giving you signs. When my friend was telling me all those horrible details of the guy that committed suicide, I wanted to run, to cover my ears, to hide. I didn’t! I just stud there like a scared child listening to the crazy bedtime story.  
What I’ve started now, it’s a journey to overcome my fears and the first thing that I am going to keep in mind before any decision will be to listen to my inner self. Any person with lack of self esteem will experience fear, doubt, and denial. Before being afraid of anything, anyone or any decision that you have to make, ask yourself juste those 3 simple questions:
What happens if I do? 
What happens if I don’t? 
What is the next step if I fail/ or if I win?
Please share with me: What are you afraid of?
Is there any trauma from the past that you can’t heal?