Almost two years now since I am a mother. Yes it's amazing and the most beautiful accomplishment I've ever had in these last 33 years on this planet in this body. And YES it's very hard and yet it pays back every minute of pain, frustration and powerless moments.
Yes I gave up control, Yes I gave up myself and apparently it's not really good.
Ever since I get more and more often the question:
-What will you become when your kids will leave you?
- You must take care of yourself, later you will end up alone!
-You should consider your career and you should see beyond today!
When I see all these advises and all this fear on child's evolution and departure, makes me feel "wrong" and misunderstood.
Wrong because I care and I want to be here and now; for society is wrong!?
Wrong because I believe that even when he will be in his 20's ; 30's or 40's I will still be his mother, I will still be there for him!?
Wrong because I want my kids to remember a mother who was there when needed, who listened, who played, who understood?
I've made a survey among my friends and here is the outcome. Respondents are between 30's and 45 years old, mixed genders (boys and girls) from married and divorced couples.
1) Girls/Women have perceived the lack of theirs mothers presence as critical in their childhood, as today they feel they need a lot of freedom, less emotional stability and they tend to be "busy" working mums on their own. They are attached to their kids, however career and independence are the primary needs.
Also for girls the father's figure missing leaded out to early separation, divorce and a missing "male type". They admit that finding a soulmate is the battle of their life; they don't know what is their match and how he looks like.
2) Boys/Men from divorced couples ALL responded on the mother's side. "She was right to leave him, she has done everything for us" and they are "grateful for all the hard work she's done. " On the other side, they have troubles finding the right person, they fear they will treat her like they've seen in the past, they live in the shadow and fear of not reproducing what they've seen.
Men that had a childhood within the married couple, will reproduce (more or less) 85% of what they've seen back at home:
father's behavior and a mate like the mother.
So yes I am not telling you anything new, is just what I found out from my friends, whom I trust and I know their history.
What I actually want to tell you today, is that I am not afraid of ME after my kids will leave me and I rather want to know that I've been a present mother and they are proud of me. So this is my message to my kid: Mum loves you, no matter what.
So, when in doubt, believe in yourself, believe in that instinct telling you that you are on wright path, on the good way for a fulfilled life, just as you need it.
No matter what choice you've done or you will go for, just make sure is the right one for you!
This is what I truly want from life and this is my accomplishment: shared happiness !